ailsa_chan

I haven't commented on the last few because I think people have already made the relevant comments, and also because I haven't noticed what they said (until afterwards) from having been caught up in the story so much. This bit seems a little more choppy than the rest, almost as if you're as unsure as Zephyr and Amari about what you're writing. When writing sex scenes, you have to be very gutsy, which I'm not sure you are here. Your characters, on the other hand (especially Amari, in this situation) ought to show a little more nervousness and awkwardness. They've just met up after years apart, and suddenly all this has come to the forefront. It's not going to be so easy as you make it out, I don't think.